Prayer Request

 If you are reading this and you are a praying saint, I beg for you to pray for me about this...

So... I moved home in 2005 and wound up stuck at home until 2009 and then I had a breakdown and went to hospital and God used that to get me out.  

Well... this is longer than I can fully explain right now... but I think I let some sin in after my hospital stint and I don't know if I was under God's curse or if my mom is, or maybe both of us, but somehow I find myself living at home still taking care of her.  I'm 38 almost 39 I should be out on my own married and with a family. I think I've been cursed bc of spirit husband that's prevented me from getting close enough to any man to get married and caused all kinds of havoc in my life.  And there have been seasons of almost breakthrough and deliverance which in later posts I'll go into more, but here I am claiming my deliverance, and needing God to show up BIG TIME and provide a way of escape.  I don't know if I need to find someone to get married to quickly or what.  

I already wrote about my mom and I's tense relationship bc of TV, and it's just bad.  We're both not happy and kind of resentful towards each other right now.  I don't even really care if she does kick me out at this point, we're both on totally different wave lengths in so many ways.  

I love her I do, and you can pray about that for me... I've been trying to hug her more and yell a whole lot less, pray for my anger/temper it's totally not Godly and a bad stronghold.  But my mom literally drives me insane!  It seems anything she says or does triggers me, and I think both of us can't wait for me to get out of here. 

Part of this tension is totally from the TV.  I despise the thing more and more, and she's never going to give it up unless there's a miracle.  Which, God does that.  

The other part of tension is I've warned this stupid V is MoB, and have sent her YouTube videos and even printed out a book for her to literally see and read since she won't watch anything I send to her.  It's so frustrating, I feel she is totally blind and deceived.  She never heeds my warnings, and now that I showed her that book I get the feeling she kind-of hates me. She didn't say anything about it, if she read much, she'd just thrown the pages on the floor.  Since she said nothing, I don't know if she's totally in denial or what. 

And I am crazy, I don't know how to warn people without scaring the heck out of them.  

I just know, if she's seen over and over this evil and is still in denial, she's going to try to make me take this stupid V and I have no intention of it, and I need to get out quick.  I think her nurse and others have already taken... I promise the TV is the devil at the root of this, the whole world has been brainwashed that covid is worth shutting down life over and we're going to go into global governance because of it. The only thing I can think of is, if you don't trust or watch TV you see through all this stuff... but there are TVs in every house in the world, almost, maybe not every house, not third world countries I'm not sure about there... and most people are not willing to get rid of that idol/strong delusion/whatever the heck it is, it's just not good! People have faith in it for the news... it's all fake and twisted now, all of it.  

Anyhow... I hit a wall in 2009, and listened to a sermon on my way to church that said God moves mountains, so I decided to move out anyway even though I didn't know where I'd go or who I'd live with.  God led me to my friend Alexandra... and then when I left hospital I lived with neighbors for a few weeks and then with friends from church... until mom went into hospital and I wound up back at home to take care of the dog.  Who the heck knew mom was going to be in the hospital/nursing home for 9 months?  

I have totally been under some kind of curse, it doesn't matter what I've tried to do I've royally screwed it all up... thankfully there are no coincidences and God turns our bad for His good and He's been merciful to me... and I am glad I've had somewhere to live but, I've got to get out!

In 2019 I got a job in Durham, and I knew it was a season of breakthrough, I was finally out of my mom's house, and happy!  We get along 1000xs better when I don't live here. 

Then God removed an idol and it threw me into such a tailspin I would up at home for a month going to a partial hospitalization program and then got stuck at home again, even longer.  I've quit three jobs since and been fired from one, actually quit four jobs now... this is all bad.  

Pastor Stephan says this is my year for deliverance.  Actually it was really cool, I stumbled onto Fire Power Ministries because of hearing her on The Candace Owens Show, something told me to look up, and she has a deliverance ministry online and knows all about spirit husbands and helps well she believed in self deliverance, but she helps you pray and vomit all this nasty stuff out.  But, it was Christmas day I was miserable... had no money to buy presents for anyone, didn't write any notes... it was all bad, but mom gave me a Kindle and I felt so bad because I totally didn't deserve or expect a thing, and I went to my room and started praying one of the deliverance prayers from the site... I was even yelling things out I'm surprised mom and my brother didn't hear.  I didn't finish then I had to cook dinner, but that night as I was putting mom to bed, Alexa went off, and of all things she sang out "This child that you delivered will soon deliver you..." from that song Mary did you know?  And I was like, Jesus really is going to deliver me now I know it!  I've found the help I need for this horrible terrible sin and curse I've been under for so long.  So... I don't believe in coincidences now, and Pastor Stephan has given me some personalized prayers... although I need to write him more specific prayer request soon... but even he told me I needed to pray for a way out quick, there's just no reason I should be at home at this point!  But as he was praying for me over the phone it just hung up.  Just clicked off.  I called him right back and he was like, Stacy, you see, this is going to be a strong battle.  Get ready.  So... I'm putting on my gear and praying and fasting... mom doesn't understand need to fast either, another sore point between us... I feel like my mom NEVER believes me EVER and I'm so tired of being trapped here.  Pray for my heart too because it's a trap of Satan to fall into bitterness or rage.  I know I need to love my mom.  And I do. 

You can pray for her, that God would give her eyes to see and ears to hear.  And she's handicapped and in miserable pain all the time.  And seems to just keep getting worse and worse.  She's exhausted over her handicap life and the pain she's in, she even told me a few weeks ago she was so tired she'd go to hospital again if they'd take her, but they would turn her away there's nothing they can do.  So we're both tired of this, worn out from the years of having to deal with this lymphedema mess that's just grown and grown continuously out of control.  She's tired, I'm tired, we're both in a bad way. 

Last summer, one night, I wasn't asleep yet I don't remember what was keeping me up probably incubus or something bad, but it was like 4:00 am and I could hear my mom moaning in pain, moaning, but it wasn't normal moaning it scared me that she was on the verge of going to hell. I prayed for her because I didn't want her to die either way, certainly not go to hell, and not ready for her to go to heaven either in a selfish way... she lived.  I didn't tell her I heard her, she did say she was in horrible pain and felt like she was going to die.  It creeped me out because those moans didn't sound like sounds of joy when you see Jesus when you die, they sounded like moans of torture.  And maybe it's just that she's tortured on earth in pain because of her lymphedema that's out of control, but that night did worry me about her, and I have warned her a lot to get ready for the Lord and she assures me she knows Jesus and will go to heaven, but I do fear for her soul.  

So... I don't know if there's generational curse going on, I don't know if it's just sin that's caused, I don't know. I just know we both need prayers for deliverance in our own ways, and I need out of this house ASAP.  I just literally don't know where to go.  I have a new job I'll just need internet connection for, (even though if they see this blog they may not want me anymore... but I feel need to write all this down...) and yeah... we're a mess. We both need to go our own ways.  

I did read recently Jesus telling that guy let the dead bury their own dead follow me... I just don't know where He's leading so am unsure which way to go, what the way out is!  Do I just pack up everything, I don't even have money for gas I'm so broke... this is a terrible terrible mess I'm in and I need some serious prayer warriors to pray for wisdom and guidance and a way forward to be very clear.  

I am crazy though, I know... well actually I think world is crazy and deceived about covid, but, the job I started last week, my boss was talking about how much money you could make, and he was like, you'd have to be crazy to give this up.  Then, okay, I confess I have a stupid TV in my room I just don't watch although I did learn I can watch YouTube on so I've watched Dr. Stella on some and Allie Beth Stuckey... so I need to get it out of my room obviously if I'm this convinced it's just a tool of the devil, but I had remote on my bed for some reason, I don't know my bed's a mess with Bibles and prayers and notebooks/journals and books and clothes I've got to get better organized I try I do... but something pressed the remote and the TV came on and it was Deal or No Deal, which is not a show I ever got into anyway... I turned it off, and then TV came back on and said, you'd have to be crazy to give up this much money, deal or no deal... and I turned it off again... and I knew I was crazy.  

Also, there was a really really really awesome opportunity I totally wanted to take, but it involved friends and Facebook and all I've done on FB is warn about end of world, Repent, don't be scared of covid, masks are stupid, vaccine is Mark of Beast, take hydroxycholorquine and zinc... I really don't like FB but these are my posts and people just think I'm crazy now because I scare them to death because I guess I'm also struggling with a stronghostald of fear as well and don't know how to talk about everything because I'm terrified of what's coming... FEMA camps and The Final Purge and Obama and The Hunger Games... 

The other day, I stared thinking about the Purge, I'm not sure why I didn't see that movie heard what was about and said no way not for me, but it was on my mind and I couldn't get out and I felt sick and wanted to purge whatever was in me out as well... and then I heard that song Bad Moon Rising in my head... 

I see the bad moon a-rising

I see trouble on the way

I see earthquakes and lightning

I see bad times today

Don't go around tonight 

Well it's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

I hear hurricanes a blowing

I know the end is coming soon

I fear rivers overflowing

I head the voice or rage and ruin

Well don't go around tonight

Well it's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise, all right

Hope you got your things together

Hope you are quite prepared to die

Looks like we're in for nasty weather

One eye is taken for an eye

Well don't go around tonight

Well it's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

Don't come around tonight

Well it's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

I looked up and the movie The Final Purge comes out 7/9/21, so I looked up Judges 9:21 "And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother."  Abimelech was a wicked son of Gideon, and he killed 70 of his brothers for kinglike authority and Jotham was the only one who got away. I don't know what these things mean, I just don't believe coincidence anymore.  I won't go out that night.  

Anyhow, I do know God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind... I know I just need to claim all of that for myself.  So... this is how you all can pray for me.  A way out, a way of deliverance.  :)  Thanks!  

Also if you're reading this and you don't know Jesus personally yet get right with him soon... I'll do another post quickly about the Gospel I know where I've got some good writing down to find :)  For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten Son that Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16.  For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.  Romans 3:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:9. :)