First Hospital Stint - The Will of God and MediSin???

 

Do you know why you're here? The nurse asked me. It was actually a male nurse, or maybe a behavioral health technician. But he asked me the question all the same.

 

The Will of God, I guess! I replied, in a kind of excited way.

 

Wow, I don't believe I've ever heard that answer before!  That's great! He said, and I felt kind of proud of my answer. Why God had me in the hospital instead of in a jail, I wasn't sure, but wow I was happy after all! 

 

I'd lost track of time at that point, but it had to be late, like maybe 12:30 am or so. I was in my hospital gown, ick. But I went into the common room on the hall, and found a fellow patient to talk to.

 

I don't remember her name, which works because I couldn't say it for confidentiality reasons anyway, but we had a great conversation, and she told me all about her health problems, and especially that her arm was sore and hurt. Well, she was a believer as well, and I was like, well lets just pray it up for healing over that arm, so we prayed together, and then she said the pain went away!  So I was overjoyed that prayer was working.

Well... She also warned me that there were some evil nurses and doctors working there, and she showed me these bruises all down her arm from their abuse, and I was like, whoa. Hold up. Who do I need to be afraid of? So she pointed the bad ones out to me, and I remembered her warnings and avoided those nurses the whole time I was there. I refused to go with those staff. I remember even holding to a table's base to not be dragged away. Looking back, I realize now those staff had no ill intentions. They probably just needed to take my blood pressure for some reason. But from my friend, we can call her Sally, well, I took the evil nurse thing very seriously.

Oh, and Sally also warned me that my roommate was a Satanist who worshipped the devil and had dreams of going to hell and marrying the devil. Now... For someone who is already manic, and hyper-religious, do you really think I was ready to go sleep with a devil worshipper in my room?  I mean, yeah right, I didn't want to get murdered in my sleep! No way was I going into that room to rest, not in the middle of the night, no. Just, no.

But the nursing staff prompted me to the room, to bed, and I did go in and tried to lay down... But my roommate was snoring, and I was so scared of what she' do to me in my sleep, that I snuck out of the room, found a little corner in the common room where the lights were out, and took in my surroundings. I scrunched up near a chair for a while. I tried to hide... I'm sure the nurses got a kick out of me, as everything is totally on camera, they were probably like, what is this girl's deal? But yeah, I stayed in there all night. 

They did bring my clothes back to me, and I remember trying to put them back on in a secret way... Not sure it worked.

Well... At, hmmm, maybe 4:00am I started to get a little company in the common room.  Seems sleep doesn't really come easy at the hospital - go figure. But, the behavioral tech that had signed me in was out there, too. I was really happy he was there. He was a brother in the Lord. He would encourage me. 

So, why exactly was I in the hospital?  I still wasn't that sure. I mean, I knew God had a purpose and a plan... But how did I fit in?

Well... We know I was on high alert ever since the state had shut down the house church in California, that suddenly the government was going to turn on the church and make it illegal. Obviously, the antichrist had those plans. But, what about church planting movements in other countries, where the Gospel is legitimately threatened? Could it be that God wanted the church here in the U.S. To go underground as well? And what better underground environment that could reach a lot of people quickly than the hospital? Why not?  Couldn't there be an inner-hospital church planting movement?

And so my mission now was clear. I was to share the Gospel to as many patients as possible. The doctors and nurses may be controlled by the evil government, except for the few undercover nurses and doctors that shared the Christian faith. I was there really for the other patients. And I took my purpose very seriously. 

 

There was this one patient, a young man, maybe oh 10 years or so older than me, I didn't ask his age. But, Sally, planted a seed in my head that I should consider marrying him. So... Somehow, over a few days of that thought rolling around in my head, I thought it was God's will that we get married and then together reach other patients in the hospital. I thought we would actually get married in the chapel at the hospital and stay there indefinitely. If that was the sacrifice I had to make to share the Gospel, to stay in the psych ward, well, it was all worth it. 

 

There was this mural in the dining room, with clouds all over the wall. Sally pointed out the evil demonic faces in the clouds. But then she made sure I knew not to really talk about that, if I wanted to get out anytime soon.

 

But I was okay. I mean... I was in my own little world, making up more crazy upon crazy thought, not making sense to anyone but myself, but I thought, well, by now, everyone around me must be connecting the dots. They've listened to the conspiracy theory podcasts by now, they've read the books I collected, it's gotta all be making sense that the end of the world is on the way, right? Soon... Maybe a friend would join me in the psych ward, to share the Gospel to more patients in the hospitals. Maybe I'd end up going to a state psych ward to share the Gospel. I was convinced they were going to send me to Butner, since that's where my brother had gone.

 

My roommate that I was so scared of, the one that supposedly worshipped Satan?  Well... I never directly asked her about that, but I did pray with her and her eyes flickered when I prayed for the demons to come out of her, and well.. We bonded. Later, she left the hospital before I did, and she came to visit me and brought me some new underwear!  I have no idea why I asked for that, but she brought it to me. I thought wearing more than one pair, like three or four pairs at a time, would keep the vampires away. That, and my special drawings, My pictures! Megan had given me special colored pencils, and each color represented an attribute of God, and so whatever verses or words I scribbled on those pages would keep me protected at night!  And just in case you were wondering, I was never attacked by a vampire while I was there, so I guess my scribbles worked!

 

I shared the Gospel to every patient I could. There was this one girl, young, I don't recall her age... But she listened to me, but didn't want me to pressure her, so I laid back. But I gave her my black pencil she liked so much. It could protect her when she wrote with it too! 

 

People checked in, and people checked out, and there I was, acting a fool. The sad thing is, I thought I was the sane one while everyone else was crazy!  Little did I know. 

 

I didn't really keep a journal while I was in the hospital, although I wrote letters to Alexandra and Megan almost every day. They threw them away, because they just upset them. No one, none of my friends, wanted me to be crazy. They just didn't know how to reach me.

 

The hospital is a very interesting place. You'll meet a lot of interesting people in the psych ward, for a plethora of reasons. But I'm thinking meeting someone hoping to start an inner hospital church planting movement would be rare.

 

My brother came to visit me and snuck in a salad from the lettuce I had grown in the garden at home to try to help me remember. But, it's not like I had forgotten anything. It was just, I was in my own little world, that no one really knew how to get in to. 

 

For a long time, several days, I refused my meds. I would stand in front of the patient's rights posted on the wall and trace them out loud as proof that I was in my right mind to refuse my meds.

Then, Megan came one afternoon, and was really excited, and shared some Bible verse with me that God would open up my eyes to see His glory, and I of course thought, if I took the meds I'd start seeing Angels and stuff, which seemed really cool, so I started taking them. It was a trick. But it was a trick that worked. Alexandra and Will also encouraged me to take my meds, like it was some big deal or something, but let's be real, I was wanting to see the spiritual dimension explode in front of me, that's really why I started taking them. Now I know that my mind was on fire because of my mania, and I could even have some brain damage from the fire, but that's why everyone was concerned about me taking my meds.

 

What I wanted to be taking, but what the doctors were refusing, were my Juice Plus pills. If you've never heard of it, they are these pills with tons of servings of fruits and veggies, that are supposed to be very healthy and good for you! I was ordering through my friend Julia, and taking them each day to get my veggies and fruits in! But for some reason, the doctor's wouldn't let me take them.  All they are is powdered fruits and veggies, but the hospital confiscated them. I thought it was all part of the conspiracy. 

 

Conspiracy, you say?  Why would there be a conspiracy in the hospital, you say?  Hospitals exist to help people who are sick! You say.  Why would you be suspicious of the hospital, you say? 

 

One word, my friends, one word.

 

MediSin.